4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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