I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
