Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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