think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
