I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
