she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
