you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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