he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
