I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
