Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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