My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We have started to decorate penises.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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