we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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