she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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