How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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