There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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