My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
