naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was confusing and full of hummus
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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