Umm I'm too high to move.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
