the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
