I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
