Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
