Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
