I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
