im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
