I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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