You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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