i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
