why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
