Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
