Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
