im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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