Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
