i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
