The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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