yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
