mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
