Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
