I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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