Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
