What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
