just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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