Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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