i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
