kristin has been a bad kristin
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
