.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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