I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
