We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
