I hate your face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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