naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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