so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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