Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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