You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
