I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
